I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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