Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
