There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
