Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
