Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Found the puke drawer
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
