12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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