You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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