he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
