i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
