I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
