I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
