She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
