my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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