I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
