i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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