Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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