I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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