Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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