You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize