Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
