Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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