I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Everything about him screamed your future.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
