I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My penis needs a shock collar
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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