i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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