By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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