she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
