It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
