I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
