you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
