Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
my liver is dry heaving
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
