Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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