Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
