So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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