did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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