Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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