i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
