Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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