Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
be right there i have to get my cape
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
