I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I love having hate sex.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
