I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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