Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.

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(469): View more from Texas

HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...

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(369): View more from California

I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.

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(903): View more from Texas

pop tarts are not kleenex

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(352): View more from Florida

My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly

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(770): View more from Georgia

I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(

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(407): View more from Florida

You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN

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(305): View more from Florida

Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!

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