ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm always down for nudity.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
