Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
