You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
