I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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