You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
