This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
