I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
