I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
