He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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