i think i have two assholes
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize