1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How's work?
Spinning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
