Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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