Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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