You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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