It's Friday. Sex?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
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Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
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He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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