So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
