having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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