If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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