I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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