I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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