I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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