i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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