So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
