Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
