I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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