tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
