is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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