ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
