Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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