I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
