Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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