remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
