What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
