Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
