I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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