IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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