You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
